See eysh See

A friend asked me what is see eysh see. I assumed he was asking for CSC, a term that initially thought by Chinese Leader Mao Tse Tung that a number of Asian activists are using. It actually stands for Criticism and Self Criticism. You criticize your collegaues and you criticize yourself in order for the both of you or an organization that you belong to learn form once's mistakes.

Last week I criticized myself for being so imposing on a cute guy I met long time ago. I may have been carried away for his being kind and generous to me lately but I am sure I was just playing around. However, the guy was seemingly irritated of my "making moves."

The incident reminded me of an American senator who was reported of committing a inappropriate conduct of soliciting sex that eventually led to his voluntary resignation from the US Senate.

"Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been," said the resigned American legislator that has aligned himself with conservative groups who oppose gay rights.

A confidant asked me why should I ask apology for just playing around doubly so that there was never an intention to sleep with him.

I just kept quite but I told myself that I don’t want to lose a friend that has been so helpful in times of my needs. I love the guy for that and if it takes me a million times to ask an apology to gain back his trust on me, I will.

So, I criticized myself and Al-Hamdullilah, I think am gaining his trust back.

Last night I saw the cute guy and he offered me some pastries. He also let me used his computer and Internet after having some kumustahan.

It was a nice short night I had with the guy.

Tim’s tuhod is two-hooded trick

The other day, my co-worker sent me email stating his mother died in the Philippines. He asked me if he should go home or leave to God his mother’s passing away.

“I know I am very new in the company. Most probably they would not allow me to go home. Also, should I go home, I may not be able to attend the burial since my family has scheduled the internment on Thursday,” Tim told me as if he tried to explained his guilt of unable to attend his mother’s funeral.

Probably, Tim needs a shoulder to lean on in his time of grief.

A week before his mother died, Tim asked me to help correct his grammar in the Minutes of a Meeting he covered in his department. I was shocked that a Siliman University graduate is unable to construct a correct sentence.

My presumption that SU, of which I got frustrated so much for being unable to attend during my college days, is producing top of the line graduates proved wrong.

Tim got the eye of the company managers when he lied about his knee injury. He initially told his manager that he got sprained while playing basketball. He once told me he got it from playing tennis.

Now, his friend told me that he had his knee surgically operated twice for rheumatism. I was wondering why he had to lie. No wonder he was asked to submit a medical certificate about his knee, which he complied today.

Good luck to him and may his mother rest in peace.

Are we on?

I am very new in this company and i am surpirsed that not one co-worker but six officemates asked me today when am I taking my annual vacation?

Do they think I am already bored at work? ngarag kaya fez ko? Actually, I thought I am but whenever I feel one I stand up and swing around the office.

In one office, there is this cute dark lad that I wish I could sleep with even for one night only and surprise of all surprises he actually did today.

No. I mean he told me this afternoon to come and sleep in his room.

Each time I see him, he always wear this sweet smile. Then one day, I whispered to him that I am falling in love.

“To whom,” he asked me.

“Me too,” he replied when I told him, “You.”

Are we on? This, I asked inside my solitary room. Wheh!

Mixed Nuts

Am getting nuts. I woke up past 1 a.m. and could not go back to sleep. I surfed, read a lot but still can't sleep back though I coukd really feel the sand-like ek inside my eyes.

This is going nuts. Mixed one.

I wanna post some stuffs in this blog but my mind is so mixed up.

I wanted to write about my niece that already went back home after a three month stay out of her father's house following a disagreement and physical brouhaha with my brother and her sister.

I also wanted to write about my nephew that sent me yesterday pictures of his nurse pinning ceremony. And then there was my twin brother's visit to my 73-year old mother who swung around my house unannounced. I hate being visited in my house without prior appointment.

I've got to hide some skeletons inside my closet, noh. The fact is, my ex lover is still staying in my house even after we had broken our promises because of his philandering stunts although he had told me he would be out of my house "soon." Soon never came early until my best friend who manages my house had enough and sermoned my ex-partner the other night for being so irresponsible.

How could my ex-lover stay in my house and tag along his lazy brother without sharing anything in the dining table? The craziest part was he never informed me that he would go back to my house while I was in Manila and he was in Basilan with a cheap KTV bar girl whom he had a baby girl hidden from me.

Then there is the painstaking wait of the radiation theraphy result of my only sister who was diagnosed with a cancer on her neck. Once, I didn't know what to do when my sister called from California crying so hard and compalining of the pain the radiation has caused her.

"Parang hinihiwa ng blade ang lalamunan ko pag lumulunok ako ng pagkain," she said.

Over the month, my sister has lost 22 kilos of weight and eight inches of her waistline.

But not all nuts are hard and bitter though.

The sweetest nut among the things going on is that I have found a number of crushes in my new company. Ibat ibang lahi. Hahay.

Then there was the fresh, cute banking and finance grad who chatted with me last night and keeps me inspired. Hahay uli.

Then, there is Howard who "miskol" me when I slept early last night. Hahay na naman.

Tamis ng pag-ibig.

DARNA!!!

Deal or No Deal

Four days after my two-month stint with the international charge and credit card company, I got a call from banker.

He offered me a challenging position with his bank and of course a higher pay.

However, I will be posted in another city.

The call's impact could similarly be compared to a person playing the game show, Deal or No Deal, where the player would be banging his head on the wall to make a decision.

For me, the call is as hard as the wall especially that I had just moved in to a new apartment and paid the six month rent.

Will there be another call next time or should I stay in the company that I have learned to love?

Let’s pray for a sign as Kris would most certainly do.

Magpaganda

Today’s the 60th day of my 90-day of my work probation with an international charge and credit card.

The past two months seemed very hectic that usually surprised me that lunch time had passed after skipping breakfast.

Apparently, my 18-month enforced-hiatus before I got the job has unconsciously made me think I was useless when I was terminated from my 14-year stint with a Saudi broadsheet.

With the sudden work dumped in front of me, my new work automatically became a day-long word puzzle that I forgot to notice time had passed by.

If not for a handsome suitor who reminded me to provide myself time to socialize as he blamed me that he is now gainfully having a relationship with an open-minded (spelled as open pocket) gingging. Howard humbly teased me that he could have been a loyal and enjoyable boyfriend had I made time to make chika and other chuvanese with him.

I can’t blame Howard since he admittedly needs somebody who would sponsor his cellphone charge loads and other needs.

I told Howard that I am not ready for that relationship since my resources could not afford such. I am good for manpower pooling only this time since I have slid under the Forbes Top 5,000 that I used get listed with my new job.

I can’t blame him since the two local colleagues that I am working with have been dumping me with their work loads as if testing my work capacity.

I silently reminded myself that I have been “sleeping” for a year and a half without work that I can not afford to fail this time.

“Bring it on,” I silently told them as the two colleagues and my boss dumped me with their work.

Few minutes before I left the office to start the week end, my boss called me.

Poised as ever, I walked in his room and prepared myself to wittingly slug it out with my boss should another word bashing event unfold.

“Your email to Sri Lanka. Good email. This makes the two executives that we are hiring feel that they are being taken good care,” he said.

I was taken a back by my boss comments. In my almost 18 years of working in Saudi Arabia, a spoken appreciation is as rare as a true believer.

The two IT executives had their flights delayed for several times. First, a political rally that paralyzed the transportation including the route to the airport in Colombo has to move their flight for few days. When the flight day came, three more changes occurred after they have checked in the airport immigration section.

My experience in assisting distressed migrant workers was awakened by the email of our new recruit. As an advocate of migrant I could feel their anxiety thus I wrote the email to keep their cool and be relaxed as they wait for their five-hour flight to Riyadh.

I never expected that gesture of concerned would be a color on my probationary cap.

I was heading for my two-day week end when I suddenly missed Howard but the migrant worker who was forced to moonlight with his body to keep both ends meet revealed his impatience of waiting for me.

I know that hooking me has been a challenge for him that he wanted to make me lose for not having him. I long to get laid but I don’t know if I would be sorry for him. I would probably be friend him and remained civil with him because for sure, I love my job now.

As I tried to whisk away from Howard’s hullabaloo, I juggled three house chores to start my week end.

I did my laundry while I cooked sinigang na isda and wrote this article for my blog at the same time watched game shows in my boob tube.

Tomorrow, I will look forward to my room makeover and have my hair cut done. Magpaganda!

Soning ni Gloring

Super laff akech sa SONAbelles ni Aling Gloring. Over sa OPM at naging fantasyadora pa na maging winabelles sa first world chinez ang everdearest Filiphs.

Ka chakahan sa kaechosan!

Sinech naman ang Got to believe in magic sa Richard Kipleys na SONAbelles ever?

Dreamgirl ang Lola. Trulili bang maging winabbeles ang economy and may I join the Miss First World Beauty ang Philippines kung imbes na mag make over into industrialized country ang inang bayan ay sell ang drama like ukay ukay ang mga natural resources sa foreign capitalists at ever bargain sale din ang mga government corporation as in privatization ang promo para magka datung.

Tama ba yung mag ilusyon kang maging mayaman kung mag benta ka ng mga ari-arian. Loss yan mama.

The rich never sell, they buy, yan ang sabi ng gay friend kong old rich na si Don Romero of Davao.

Over sa yabang ang lola Gloring na parang andalus muchos sa wishing bones nya magkaroon ng maraming airports at kilo kilong kalsada na para bang kulang pa sa kanya ang diosdado macapagal arroyo avenue. Juice ko pong fine eapple.. Baka dream ng lola na pati mga junakis ng mga junakis ay magkaroon ng kanya-kanyang street names. Parang mga street children.

Di ba, feel nga ng lola na ang mga junakis maging congressman. Di chox na ang mga apo ay maging street children. Lukrecia Kasilag!

Ilusyunadang walang dats. Ni bala nga ng junyon na jumujutok di sya makabili kaya tiguk ang kanyang mga marines sa tipo tipo. Headless pa. paano kasi, witchelles naman pala jumujotok ang bala ng junyon na kung saan buy ng kanyang alipores. Airport at kalsada na naman ang drama.

Knowing kech ever yung mga ghost bridges and roads sa Mindanao na kay ganda sa papel pero sa trulili ay putik ever if not alabok at lubak avenues naman ang mga roads to the mountain ever.

Laff na lang ako ng laff pero seriously, Maalaala Mo Kaya noong once upon a time may I cross the hanging bridge and let the horse swim the river to carry me over to the other side against the raging water to gather data sa isang massacre doon malapit sa boundary ng Bukidnon, Calinan at North Cotabato.

I wonder how the roads there are doing. It must be the same. No pavements. Of course, the massacares continue but the roads? Baka drowing pa rin. Sketch!

Over ang Soning ni Gloring!

Closing to end or Closer to God

My sister called me today to know how my brother and I are doing in Riyadh. I have been planning to call her in California to know how she is coping with her radiation therapy.

One more session and by next month my sister would have her medical leave of absence from work.

We really pray that the cancer would be gone in her neck and her whole body.

She said the radiation therapy has lost her sense of taste and all food would be tasteless. The only good thing about this, according to my dearest sister is she would be losing weight.

Sores have started appearing in my sister’s mouth but my sister has to eat food otherwise she would be tube-feed with liquids.

Ate Lily and her family have shifted to brown rice.

She was also enthusiastic to say that she had lunch a while ago with her son, PJ, who has shifted course to BS Business Management.

I also miss so much my nephew, PJ who grew up in our ancestral house with my parents while my sister used to worked in Jeddah before she moved to the U.S. of A.

I told my sister that Manong Boy, our eldest brother, also misses my Ate Lily and worries about her situation.

I hope everything will soon be all right with my sister. She was worried with her house monthly amortization and the two cars that she is paying with earnings from her double job. Now that she is sick, who would pay for this if she would not be able to work back.

My sister said she gets tired easily especially at work these days with her radiation therapy.

God please let my sister recuperate and live longer.

missing home

moving to a new pad is an arm and heartbreaking task. ambigat kasi ng magbitbit tapos iakyat mo pa sa thrid floor ng building yung gamit ng buong bahay.

but being in a new flat is like having a new home. linis dito, linis doon. pagnadahin eto, pagandahin doon.

pagandahin din ang sarili para ma refresh after those hard, heavy lifting.

my kafatid helped me re-assemble my closet that he bought me from IKEA as well as the beautiful bed.

Now, i still have to re-arrange my bags and boxes of clothes.

I also have to re-connect my satellite dish so I can continue watching Ophra. Also my DSL line is not re-connected. Ang hirap talaga ma disconnect sa web.

Pero mas mahirap mag raise ng pambayad ng apartment. After so many years, now lang uli ako nagka utang para pambayad ng bahay.

While in my new pad, I suddenly miss my home in Davao and Saint Monique Valais. I miss my mom and I also miss my best friend.

I regret for not having remitted teh allotment for this month. Kapos talaga mga mahal ko sa buhay.

Dont you worry, I will try to scout for some remedies when things lighten up a bit.

Buhay OFW talaga, huh. Di makatakas sa responsibilidad sa mga mahal sa buhay. Paano, mahal nga eh.

I love and miss you Mamang. Miss you, Mundoy, too.

breasts and butts

kung napansin nyo this month, sa pinas may dalawang protest rallies na aliw.

yung mga kabataan sa umpisa ng pasukan sa eskwela nagprotesta sa hubad na katotohanan na ang edukasyon sa pilipinas ay nakatali sa nagtataasang matrikula. ang punto de vista ng mga kabataan -- na naghubo at hubad na nagsisigaw sa kamaynilaan -- na may mali sa siste ng edukasyon sa pinas. kasi nga naman kung swertehin kang makatapos ng kolehiyo ay swertehan na lang na makapagtrrabaho ka at mabawi ang ginastos mo sa pag aaral.

sa kabilang banda, di naman kaya naghahanap lang yung mga naghubad nang kustomer kaya sila nagpakita ng kani-kanilang mga pwet at ari para may pambayad sila ng matrikula? baka may mga nakakursunada sa kanila at ginawang scholars? lightning promo ba ng flesh trade sa pinas. baka naman hindi? at any rate, aliw. ewe!

ang mga nanay naman, sa kabilang dako, ilang araw ang nakaraan, ay nakikipagduldulan nang kanilang mga dede sa mga malalaking korporasyong nangagatas sa mga ina na maglabas ng pera upang mapadede ng huwad na sustansya ang mga sanggol. kumbaga, susuhan na rin ang labanan ng mga ina upang ihayag sa mga nasa pamahalaan ang paghingi ng suporta sa katotohanan na mother's milk is best for babies.

hay naku. kaya siguro ang ibang kalalakihan, ang tawag sa mga dinggirl ay mommy kasi feeling baby sila habang nanggagatas sa kani-kanilang sugar mommy na magaling magbreastfeed sa kanilang mga bebe lalo na dito sa kaharian. hay naku, mamulat na kaya kayo.

araykupo. sino kaya yung nambatok sa akin? maka inom na nga nang kape para magising ako sa antok.

kainech eytech

ang mga ufanech sa mga balaysus ditech sa riyadnech ay wittzelles na sa pagka stop sa pag fly na parang rocketcheng sa skyflu. super fund raising talaga ang mga lacoste na katutubong landlords ditelles. as if they thought we are the migrant slaves that would so, so work hard while they siphoned back our hard-earn fulus by exacting more money from us through our house rental fees. fara vagang sila na lang ang lumalafyus ng kabsa, shawarma at viryani rice neng. matuk mo na halos double the payola na ang oscar dela renta. wala na nga kitchenelles ang balaysung kech, mamahalan pa. leche talaga! ang jirap pa naman mag-em f_cky at magvetvet ng mga gamitches kech. last year, matuk mo na four times akech mag change pad. buti kung padding lang e change at shoulder bag na galing 168 lang ang vetvetin kech. over sa kaka-weight-lifting, nech. sister bu, heavy talaga. as in hard labor. as of now, ang mga wardrobes kech ay nasa loob pa rin ng mga cartonites kech. ang daily attires kech ay nasa mga bagelyas ko na naghalo-halo na sa mga vagahech kech na nanggaling pang providence sa filipinas na super gulo. kelan kaya mag end ang teleseryech na layf kech?

headless

may kwento ako na ayokong lagyan ng pamagat. tungkol kasi ito sa isang lalaking una'y nabasa ko lang sa dating pahayagan na pinagsusulatan ko. ang saya ko noon kasi wala yata akong report noon tapos halos pinuno ng balita tungkol sa lalaking ito ang mga pahina sa harap. nakulong si oepdabulyu. paano nga naman, pagkatapos nya kamong mapatay ang taxi driver ay nakipaghabulan ito sa mga otoridad. ika niya, ng madalaw ko sya sa kulungan sa malaz ay depensa lang talaga ang nangyari. paano naman kasi, gusto raw syang halayin ng taxi driver pagkatapos syang paikot ikotin bago sya makarating sa kanyang mga pinagpupuntahan. kaso ng umalma sya at ayaw nyang makipaghalayan sa driver, nagka heated argument na at nagka pisikalan pa. kumuha sya ng matulis sa dala-dala nyang bag at nagkasaksakan na. kesyo, may nakakita na bumagsak na ang drver ng patalilis na sya. nagkahabulan na ngayon. takbo na parang may world tournament sa takbuhan. takbo pagkatapos itaktak. kung saan-saan kaya umabot, merong nang agaw sya ng sasakyan sa gitna ng daan. binangga nya pa yata yung isang sakyanan ng maabutan sya sa traffic light. tapos takbuhan na may lundagan pa sa mga hood ng sakyanan at may akyatan pa sa pader ng pumasok sya sa isang villa.kung ilan-ilang blocks ang naabut sa takbuhan na humantong sa kulungan na may stop over sa hospital kasi binaril na sya ng sumuko. pinugutan sya ng ulo kamakailan.kaya walang ulo itong kwento.

big C in d u.s. of a.

i hope an angel would help guide my sister in the u.s. of a.

the day after i was hired in my new job, my beloved ate called to inform me she had cancer. what a day!

my euphoria on how i finally landed a job after 16 months of being wageless was short lived.

i could only say my prayers to you sis. don't you worry. i know god will always protect you. last week, my dearest ate lily had her first radiation theraphy and i have not heard from her yet.

i hope my sis is okay and hope she will soon accept what she has been dreading, that her hair may soon fall off. sabi ko sa kanya, uso bitaw ang kalbo sa mga gurls, huh.

kawawa naman kasi ang sis ko kasi sya na lang mag isa doon sa california. liban sa asawa nya at mga anak, damang dama ko na gusto sana ng kapatid ko na may mga kapatid din sya na mag aasikaso sa kanya roon para ma feel nya na love din namin siya.

love na love ka namin, sister. kaya mo yan. cancer lang yan.

sanay naman tayo sa hirap ng buhay kaya tibay-tibayan mo lang kung kulang pa ay itodo mo pa ang lakas ng loob mo. kung madali lang sanang pumunta dyan eh, binisita nakita. patnubayan ka talaga ng poong hesus at tutulungan ka ng mahal nating si papang sa kalagayan mo ngayon. dont you worry sis. di lang naman ikaw ang merong sakit na ganyan. di ba? basta isipin mo, pag gumaling ka na, o kahit di pa, magkikita pa rin tayo sa davao. alam mo naman na may bahay kang uuwian doon at may mga kapatid kang palaging nagmamahal sa yo.

magpagaling ka, sis!

sampalin kita. pakkk!!!

my niece was crying the last time we chatted. she said her father slapped her tuesday upon learning that she had a boyfriend. she is 22, fresh college graduate, and working as a shool nurse in her alma mater. my niece have a four-year old son. she delivered handsome and cute mark when she was still in her first year of college studies. last wednesday, she typed a sad message to me as she tried to hid her tears from the students visiting the school clinic that morning. like a young baby girl that she always is, my sweet niece said that her eldest sister also slapped her for the same reason... i am still wondering what my younger niece did last father's day.

breaking my hymen

this is an attempt to express my jailed thoughts while working in a very interesting, conservative but fast-developing country. this may be a manifestation of homesickness especially after a having spent the longest vacation of my life following a nearly 15 years of hard worki in saudi arabia. i have been planning to make a blog or a website of my own and my procrastination came to a halt when my new boss asked me to produce a newsletter that would be posted in our local server. is he asking me to make an online news site? oooWWwZZzz. afraid that i may fail my three-month probationary period, i wishpered to myself to start kicking my own butt and do start tickling what i have been sitting on my desk for long.